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Steven Seagal in film

So much more than a hard-nut with a ponytail

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Here at five we love a bit of Steven Seagal. You may have noticed how the airwaves on five, fiver and five US often showcase his talent for hard-arse handiwork and horsy hair. Put plainly, Steven Seagal does for kitsch kick-arse movies what Fabio has done for kitsch chick-lit covers - and that is no mean feat.

Now a self-confessed ‘outlaw film critic’ known only as Vern (and potentially Steven Seagal) has also cottoned on to the genius of the ponytailed wonder and as a result has scribed the insightful Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal.

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As a little teaser - and we know how you like them - here are some of the insightful delights that you can expect from this life-changing piece of literature.

Steven Seagal

Throughout his films SS has made weapons of… a skewer, sand, a microwave, a pylon, a table saw, a sausage, a bar towel, a pool cue, a pan, a rolling pin, a corkscrew, a decorative rope, a tusk, a tree, an empty 2-litre bottle, a helicopter blade, a pipe, a cable, concentrated coconut oil, lighter fluid, a flare gun, a credit card, a bulldozer blade, a telephone, some lumber, a wine glass, a kerosene lamp, a CD, a phonograph, a chair leg, a ceremonial wooden club, a barber's smock, chopsticks, a faucet, urinals, a metal pole, and a fork to name a few!

Exit Wounds

Most of Seagal's characters are cops, intelligence agents or soldiers. He has also played a doctor, a rogue firefighter, an EPA agent, a thief, and a professor of Chinese archaeology at Yale!

Out for a Kill

Although Steven and Jean-Claude Van Damme have never appeared in a film together, they have shared a stunt. Yes, the same shot of a stuntman rappelling was used as Van Damme in 2001's The Order and as Seagal in 2005's Today You Die. What cheapskates.